Why The Bird Call Lost its Chirp

Those fuckers at Toshiba were to cheap to make a durable computer. Those devious little nerds used PLASTIC prongs to support the power jack; so one little movement and the fragile piece of shit breaks. This unfortunately happened to my Toshiba Satallite Laptop. Instead of shelling out $700 for a new computer. I decided to take matters into my own hands. Armed with a soldering iron and a new power jack, courtesy of Radioshack, I was able to fix my computer. So my computer was out of operation for the past few days because of this, but now I am back. The bird call chirps again caww cawww.

Pretty Good Christmas

I had a pretty good Christmas. The only aspects of it that I dislike was the awkward conversations I participated in with my family members. There is something about talking to a uncle or an aunt that you only see like twice a year that feels so... weird. I mean I literally have no clue what to say to them. I try to create small talk, but that just yields a hollow and ephemeral conversation. But that is what the extended family is about right? trying to interact with people you see sparingly.

The Top 5 Most Annoying things Girls Do When They are Drunk

Drinking with females is a very enjoyable endeavor. However, certain annoying habits emerge out of some girls when they are intoxicated. I am not accusing all girls of committing these obnoxious acts. Rather, I am examining the five most annoying behaviors that are exclusive to shitfaced girls. Furthermore, these actions also annoy girls themselves. Feminists need not to worry, I will be examining the five most annoying things boys do when they are sauced.

5. When girls ask if there face is getting red...constantly
Why do some girls ask this redundant question every time they drink? Like seriously, who cares if your face gets red; increased redness in complexion generally does not detract a female's looks immensely. I mean, you must be very insecure if you are asking if your face is getting red. One message to all girls who are guilty of this, it really does not matter, don't worry about it.

4. When they start randomly following and obsessing over a boy
This one sounds more creepy than it is annoying, but it is pretty obnoxious when a girl just obsesses over one boy when she is mangled. I have not encountered this behavior much, but field reports indicate that it is pretty annoying.

3. When nice girls turn mean
When some girls drink, they instantly become incredibly rude. This is so fucking annoying. Seriously, a little tequila does not give you the right to be a bitch.

2. When girls create drama
Girls can be dramatic people, but certain girls can be very dramatic when they are shattered. Nothing pisses me off more when girls start gossiping profusely when the vodka is poured. Like seriously, girls will literally purposely create drama when they are drunk, creating scenarios that are designed to ignite future gossip.

1. When girls cry about random
No matter how ridiculous the reason is, or if a reason really exists, it is pretty annoying when girls spontaneously start to cry when they are shitty. I do not understand it at all, and they will cry about the stupidest shit too, like a breakup with some loser boyfriend that occurred two years prior or how they are jealous of some girl's looks. Please ladies, when the shots have been administered, try to hold in the tears.

The Bird Call Stiff of the Week: Claude Julien

I admit, my knowledge about the NHL is limited; my expertise generally rests in the NFL and the NBA. However, I have started to follow the Bruins more. My increased devotion to B's have driven me to several conclusions about the composition of the team. The most important of which is that the Bruins Coach, Claude Julian, is a huge stiff. I have endured the past few games where the Bruins have looked apathetic, lethargic, and outright pitiful. They don't play with any balls. I feel like the source of these issues is coming from the coach. Mr. Julian does not seem passionate at all; he just looks like a huge stiff behind the bench. The B's are an incredibly talented team, yet this does not translate to the win column. Generally in sports(I know I am oversimplifying this), if a talented team is losing due to a lack of motivation and coordination, the blame should be rightfully placed on the coach, not the players. Therefore, Claude has to go because he is a huge stiff, and this stiffness has earned him the dubious honor of being The Stiff of the Week.

Are you Joking Steve Jobs?

I just downloaded one of those stupid Itunes updates that they release like every week and change like two things. After I went through the unnecessary process of restarting my computer to "apply" the update, I found out that some of the files that run the program got lost, forcing me to REINSTALL the broken program. What a load of bullshit, cmon Mr. Jobs. If you are going to make a pointless update, at least make it functional. If I lose all my songs because of the fact that your program sucks balls, I better be getting new Ipods and shit up the ass for the rest of my life. Jesus you nerd, fix this shit.

Did I Just See a Hitler Mustache on Michael Jordan's Face?

 So I was just watching the Colts-Steelers game and during one of the commercial breaks I witnessed one of the most disturbing things in my entire life. One of the advertisements featured in the break was the T-Shirt commercial that depicted Michael Jordan talking to some bro on an airplane. While the commercial moved on, I was not thinking about my future t-shirt buying habits; I was fixated on the patch of hair on MJ's face that eerily resembled the facial hair of an infamous 20th century dictator. Michael Jordan starred in a commercial on national TV rocking a HITLER MUSTACHE, the most despicable and embarrassing thing a man can grow on his face. Like MJ, are you serious? Were you looking in the mirror when you were shaving or was this intentional? I am thoroughly mindfucked, get your shit together Michael.

What a semester

So tomorrow at 8:00 a.m.-12:30 p.m. I have my last two finals (yes I am the unlucky fuck who has to stay until Saturday to finish two fucking finals). My parents are picking me up at around one. As I leave the campus of the University of New Hampshire, I will be ending the first chapter of the story that is my life at UNH. I must say that this was a satisfying and eventful chapter in my life, a good start to fun and eventful college career. But before I head into the future, lets look at some of the most memorable (and not so memorable) moments at UNH.

Best Night: The Night We Raged at Alpha Sig
Nothing goes according to plan, except for this fucking crazy night. This girl got me and a bunch of my bros into a-sig with about a 5-1 bro to broad ratio. I do not remember the rest, but all I can say is that my dream of going to a Rec Dance shitfaced has been fulfilled.

Worst Night: The Infamous Night of the Zenka
(A handle of Zenka+Me+Steve Bosse+Richie)xOne hour=blacking out at 10

Most Hilarious Moment
When Steve made the bounce shot off the ceiling/whenever Zack says ew

I'm going to miss Hetzel and UNH and for next  few weeks, so peace out bros.

According to the Daily Beast I am a Huge Drug Addict

As a lot of you may have heard, The Daily Beast named UNH, my school, the "druggiest" college in America. What the hell is their criteria for this? Whatever it is, it is a bunch of bull shit. I do not know a single person who regularly does anything worse than the usual two(weed and booze). I should listen to the fine words of wisdom of my good friend Connor: "if you want to know which school is the druggiest, check out high times".

The Bird Call Stiff of the Week: The Fucking Jets' Trainer Sal Alosi

Sal Alosi is a lowlife prick.

This one seemed pretty obvious. The man who has the honors of being  the Bird Call's first "Stiff of the Week" is The Fucking Jets' trainer Sal Alosi. We have all seen the video of this scumbag tripping Dolphins gunner Nolan Carrol. This bastard is lucky that he did not give the man a Rodney Harrison knee, and if I was Nolan Carrol, I would kick the shit out of this guy when I got up. Only a member of The Fucking Jets would pull this shit off; Rex Ryan has created a hoodlum culture within the organization that shows little regard for ethics or common fucking sense. Its like Rex is Hitler and Sal is one of his fucking brown coats or SS Troopers. Now I know those asshole Jets fans will rebuttal me with spygate and shit. Filming calls is one thing, but having some lowlife fucking sideline rat influence the game is the epitome of foul play. Not only did his action illegitimately render him as a 12th player on the field, it showed malicious intent. I do not give two fucks if this guy "apologized", his actions were reprehensible and he deserves to be kicked out of the NFL. Congratulations Sal, you are this week's "Stiff of the Week".

Does this License Plate Get this Kid Laid?

Not Really

ITS FINALLY OVER

After years of having the media on its knees, after years of watching an above-average quarterback be the "last tough guy", after 297 games of inconsistency and only one Superbowl victory, Brett Favre and his 4 inch cock finally met the cold bench. This is a momentous event in the history of football. Brett Favre has been a plague to his NFL. With an entire team, player, and now stadium falling apart, the 41 year old  sexter will have to hang the cleats this year. He better do it too, because I am sick of him. The media constantly sweats his balls but in reality he is not even in the top five best QB's of the past 20 years. Those honors belong to true winners: Peyton Manning (I hate him but he is fucking incredible), John Elway, Troy Aikman, Steve Young, and Tom Brady. Favre is at a level below these greats, and he is now a washed-up hag. Retire now Brett if you want to keep what little dignity you have left.

Bar Down Goals are Awesome

There is nothing better than a bar down goal. You know an offensive player has asserted his dominance when he rips a shot  and the goalies futile attempt of stopping it only results in an ominous ping that rattles the back of his ears. During my senior year dusting it up for Hingham Lax, there was nothing more beautiful than watching Fitzy would score bar down on Derek during practice, and there was nothing funnier than watching Derek smash his goalie stick on the sidebar and scream "fuck" in his distinctively monotone Boston accent.

$37,000 a Year and the Main Dining Hall is Closed

I recently learned today that Holloway Commons, the culinary heart of UNH, is closed for finals week due to "repairs". What the fuck? The main dining hall of a college that has 14,000 students is closed during the week that our brains clamor for those extra calories. The whole repairs thing sounds like a bunch of bullshit. I bet they closed it to save some fucking costs and make us spend more "for some more meat" at Wildcatassen. Fucking unadulterated bullshit, now I have to walk to fucking Philbrook and Stilling (the latter of which will probably closed due to its close proximity to Venti's dorm room). Fucking open your doors and serve food, immediately. Do not pull any of this nickel and dime bullshit.

Welcome to the Bird Call

Aher Aher, My name is Samuel C. Williams, but I am also known as The Birdman, Ostridge, Sammy Dubs, Sammy C, Samuel C, and Samuel C. Williams from 4 Eastgate Lane. After a few hours of internal debate that was firmly concluded by a plea from the great Jake Levin, I have decided to create my own blog. Now I know people are going to pan me as a mimicker of Mr. Ventresca and Mr. Levin's recent entrance into the blogsphere, equating me with the pitiful and blatantly naive "Pink Hats" who rode the 2004 and 2007 Boston Red Sox bandwagons. Well guess what, I DO NOT GIVE TWO FUCKS WHAT PEOPLE THINK OF ME. In fact, unlike Lev and Venty's blog, which fit into the whole Barstool Sports-style Male-Oriented blogging genre, My blog, aptly known as "The Bird Call", will include a variety of other topics other than sports and bro shit. These topics include shit that pisses me off, politics, whats going on in my life, video games, and anything else that interests me. But you bros out there have no need to worry, there will plenty of sports and "Barstool Sports" content on this blog, and I will also try to make the topics that are "boring" as entertaining as possible. Now that you have your brief introduction, sit back, relax, and enjoy "The Bird Call".